


Days, Weeks, Months, Years

by jennisnotokay



Series: A Collection of YuKi AUs [3]
Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Character Death, M/M, Sadness, This is really sad, idky i did this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 17:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15779145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennisnotokay/pseuds/jennisnotokay
Summary: "Every day, every week, every month of every year, I’ll love you.”No one ever really mentioned his future so beautifully.





	Days, Weeks, Months, Years

**Author's Note:**

> Um. I don't know why I did this? I'm sorry??? I wanted to write angst and it turned into this. My bad.
> 
> Please read it and leave a comment or kudos! Love you!

Two years. It had been two years since Yuto was diagnosed with Chronic myelogenous leukemia. It was one of the more dangerous forms of leukemia, attacking the bone marrow like it was some gang battle in his bones.

When it first emerged, he thought he just had the flu. His body felt weak. He had a shortness of breath from just going upstairs. When he passed out for several hours and woke up in the hospital, the testing stated and the results weren’t good.

His parents were devastated. His brothers were telling him he’d fight it. He was Adachi Yuto. He could do anything he set his mind to.

The Adachi family moved to Korea after that. There was a doctor who specialized in Yuto’s form of Leukemia. There were drugs that seemed to be highly effective on 90% of the patients who took it. There was hope in his parents' eyes, so he was going to ask about the other 10%.

Yuto’s doctor said he could make it to 50. Could being the important word that Yuto focused on. Everyone else seemed to miss the could.

“You can get married and have kids,” his mother would smile, her hand on his cheek.

He’d rather not. It wasn’t even the fact he was slowly dying, but his interests weren’t in women. He’d never admit that out loud. But he didn’t want a relationship. He wouldn’t do this to someone. He wouldn’t let someone he loved watching him die. He guessed he didn’t really want the whole romance thing when he couldn’t spend the rest of his life with whoever he decides on.

Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months and those first two years pass. Yuto was alive and he looked moderately healthy. He got some weight back that he lost and there was a redness under his skin that was missing. His body still aches from time to time and he popped pills reluctantly. 

He had a job too. He was a waiter. His parents managed to get a small Japanese shop up and running and they were making a living. His oldest brother was becoming a lawyer and his younger brother was still in high school.

Yuto took online classes. He didn’t want to get attached to the idea of an actual career. He didn’t want his hopes to get to high.

His parents always talked about his future with bright smiles, but every time Yuto struggles to catch his breath, he reminds himself not to let them see him struggle. Where they saw years, he saw days.

However, he was still diligent with his health. Every three weeks, he was back in the hospital with Dr. Song. Dr. Song would sing praises over Yuto’s health and how good everything looks.

“Keep this up, Yuto. You could make it to 51, I think,” he’d smile. 

He’d always add a year. It was 47 (which Yuto thinks the doctor decided on because he was 47) when he first met the doctor. Every time. Yuto would smile because why take away anyone’s hope. The man was a doctor after all. Yet Yuto was a realist. 

He bid his farewell and headed out of the office, only to have someone run into him. He glanced down a bit too soft hair against his chest. 

The person backed up and looked up with bright eyes. He was… adorable. Soft, but handsome features. Shorter than Yuto, but a lot of people were. He was wearing an oversized pink hoodie and nice, black jeans. His sneakers seemed like he took care of them. 

If Yuto was another person, not dying, he’d instantly ask the other out without a second thought. 

“Uh, sorry,” the male replied, smiling brightly at the other.

Of course, he had a glorious smile. Whatever power was up there seemed to like tormenting Yuto.

“Have you seen a little boy with a red headband?” The beautiful male questioned.

Yuto brushes his hand over his jacket and shrugged, “No. Sorry.”

“Darn it. These kids are better at hide-and-seek than I ever was,” the other bemused with a small laugh.

Yuto raised a brow, “You’re not a nurse, are you?”

“Me? Oh no. My dance company volunteers with the kids. I’m Hyunggu, by the way. Are you here visiting family?” The beautiful Hyunggu questioned.

In Hyunggu’s defense, Yuto looked the healthiest he’d ever been. He lifted his arm, the hospital band moving in view, “Patient, actually.”

Hyunggu’s face fell, “Oh, uh…”

“Leukemia,” Yuto answered, already seeing the question etched into the others pretty features.

This seemed to hit the other hard. If he dealt with the kids, he bet Hyunggu knew a few. He seemed like someone who had a kind heart, at least.

“It’s going to be okay.”

The response almost left Yuto breathless. It wasn’t so much what the other said, but the way the other smiled. It wasn’t like when his parents said it. Their smiles felt like lies, but this smile… Hyunggu’s smile almost made Yuto believe.

Hyunggu reaches his hand out, “It’s nice to meet you, Yuto.”

Yuto found himself reaching out, his fingers wrapping around Hyunggu’s soft hands. He felt himself smile too. “It’s nice to meet you too, Hyunggu.”

More days passed. Even weeks and then a whole month since Yuto met Hyunggu. They had exchanged numbers. Yuto isn’t sure why since he didn’t want to get attached, but he ended up following Hyunggu to the children’s wing and met some kids and more than anything, he saw Hyunggu in action.

Hyunggu was really good with kids and they loved him. He sang and he danced and he played with them. He didn’t treat them like they were fragile and very smile on his face was genuine. 

Yuto couldn’t help but offer up his number to the other because, despite everything he told himself, Hyunggu looked at him like he was a person. He didn’t look at him like he was going to die.

This was going to bad. He knew that. Anything could happen and it seemed like luck was already against Yuto at every turn. Every moment of happiness that seemed to follow was stripped right from under him.

But maybe Hyunggu would remind him that he needed a reason to keep fighting because the higher powers above knew Yuto was tempted to just end it all then and there. He was too much of a chicken though.

Maybe Hyunggu was a blessing they sent him. Some good in the world of shit that Adachi Yuto’s tragic life. Even if he wasn’t, Yuto was starting to believe he was.

“Yuto?”

The sound of his name pulled his from his thoughts of Hyunggu, only to be faced with the male.

They started hanging out. Randomly, Hyunggu texted him to see his dance group perform in Hongdae. He agreed and was amazed at how talented the other was. Not just dancing for little kids, but this aura he had was just so strong that a crowd built around them instantly. And his singing was a lot better too when he was really trying.

Hyunggu was always the one calling on Yuto. He didn’t seem to mind it. Yuto always agreed. He wanted to try some frozen drink place that popped up and Yuto said he’d be there. Hyunggu did all the talking. Yuto was never much of a talker. 

Yuto raised a brow at the other, “I’m listening.”

Hyunggu pouted at him, “Liar. What did I say?”

He got him. Yuto wasn’t listening. He was too focused on the other and how cute he looked in his oversized sweater or how his pout was so kissable. He really wanted to kiss Hyunggu.

“Something about the weather,” Yuto opted to say, shrugging his shoulders as he took a drink of his frozen concoction. It tasted like pineapples and cherry. Wasn’t too bad in his opinion.

Hyunggu whined, “See! I knew you weren’t listening! What’s on your mind?”

You, he thought, but he’d never say it. He just shrugged, “Nothing.”

Hyunggu wasn’t convinced. He picked himself up and moved around the table to push himself into the booth with Yuto. He taller male moved further into his seat, but Hyunggu followed. 

The other was really close to him now. Yuto could smell his cologne. He couldn’t place the scent, but it smelled so good on Hyunggu. 

“Hey, Yuto,” Hyunggu’s voice was soft, almost unsure as if the other was being shy. Yuto hadn’t known Hyunggu for very long, but he never knew the other to be shy.

Yuto cleared his throat, “Uh, yes?”

Hyunggu places a hand on top of Yuto’s that rested on the table. Yuto peeked at the hand from the corner of his eye. Hyunggu’s hands were so warm.

“You can lean on me, you know? If something’s wrong, I mean. I can listen,” Hyunggu’s words were etched with the sweetness that was Kang Hyunggu. He knew Hyunggu meant what he said.

Yuto looked at Hyunggu. The other was giving him that look. Yuto didn’t know what it was or what to call it, but Hyunggu had this way about how he looked at people. Yuto watched Hyunggu and he saw it. Honestly, Hyunggu looked at everyone like he was in love with them, even if that wasn’t true, but it did feel like when Hyunggu looked at you, at that moment, you were the most important thing in his eyes.

The Japanese male reached up and moved Hyunggu’s hand from his. Hyunggu watched him do it and the smile was gone, replaced with hurt. Yuto tried not to let that look hurt him, but he had to make it clear to Hyunggu.

“Don’t worry about me,” Yuto assured with a smile. “I’m fine.”

Hyunggu looked at him again and nodded his head. He bit his lip as he stood up, moving back to his side of the table. The sleeves of his hoodie covered his hands and he wrapped them around his drink. He was sad and probably disappointed. He started nursing his drink.

This was for the best.

However, Hyunggu didn’t seem to understand. 

The rest of that day went by slowly. Hyunggu was quiet. He barely said goodbye. Hyunggu didn’t call or text him for three days. Yuto missed him. He missed him so much he wanted to be the one to call Hyunggu, but he couldn’t.

Those three days were rough, but it only seemed to intensify when he walked out of the restaurant to see Hyunggu leaning against the wall, waiting. 

When he saw Yuto, his face seemed to contort into anger. Something Yuto wasn’t aware Hyunggu felt. 

He walked up to Yuto and stared him down, “Can we talk?”

Yuto was confused, but he nodded, “Sure.”

They walked in silence for about five minutes until they ended up at a playground. It was just past eight in the evening. No kids were around. 

Hyunggu crosses his arms over his chest, “Do you like me or not?”

The question took Yuto by surprise. He raised his brow at the other, “What?”

“I’m pretty damn good at reading people and you are an open book, Adachi Yuto,” Hyunggu pointed a very aggressive finger at Yuto. His eyes were set in a glare as he looked at the other. Hyunggu may be shorter than him, but he like Hyunggu was ten feet tall, staring him down. 

Yuto raised a brow at the other, “And what have you read?”

“That you’re scared.”

“How intuitive. Are we done?” 

Just as Yuto moved to go past Hyunggu, the other blocked him, “You’re scared that you might actually have a future.”

Yuto’s face went from blank like it usually was too angry very quickly, “Back off, Hyunggu.”

The other stood his ground, “No, you’re scared that the doctor is right. You are scared that you will be the part of that 90% who survive to live to a pretty good age. You’re scared to fall in love with me because you’re scared that you will actually get to be happy.”

He pushed the other back against the side of the slide. , hovering over him. Hyunggu didn’t look fearful. Yuto wasn’t going to hurt him. They both knew that. Still, Yuto was close, his arm against the wall and he leaned into the other, “I don’t love you.”

“Yeah, you do,” Hyunggu threw back, defiance in his eyes and in his tone.

“You’re very sure of yourself,” Yuto frowned, rolling his eyes at the other, “Stop pushing this, Hyunggu. Count your blessings and move on. We have no future. There is so no us. Move on.”

Hyunggu pushed Yuto back with more force than Yuto expected. He even stumbled a bit. He lifted a hand to his chest where Hyunggu pushed him and glared. Hyunggu was feisty. Hyunggu pointed a finger at him again, “Then what is it, huh? I surround myself with little kids who are dying. Little kids, Yuto! I’ve held their hands as they struggled through chemo. I’ve sat with them as they got sick. I’ve watched a few move on. I can handle this. I can handle us.”

“I can’t!”

Yuto never raised his voice. Hyunggu almost looked frightened for a moment. Yuto’s breathing was harder all of sudden. His hand went to rest over his gut. He closed his eyes, “I have to see it in my parents’ eyes. In my brothers’ eyes. The fear and sadness. ‘Is today the day’, their eyes say and I can’t let that be you. I can’t look at you and see my death every time I look at you. I can’t… I can’t be the reason you’re sad.”

Hyunggu’s expression was a mix of emotion, sadness mostly. He stepped closer to Yuto, his hands moving to hold onto Yuto’s, their fingers intertwining. Yuto didn’t pull away. He didn’t want to. Hyunggu knew that.

They were close. Yuto’s forehead moved to rest against Hyunggu’s. They both closed their eyes and just focused on being close.

It was Hyunggu who pulled away first, glancing up at Yuto, “I can handle it, Yuto. Everything. Even if we have years or a few days, I want to spend that time with you, loving you. I want you to look forward to every day, every week, every month and every year with me. Cause I can see my future with you. Every day, every week, every month of every year, I’ll love you.”

No one ever really mentioned his future so beautifully. The idea of spending the rest of his life, no matter how long or short it was going to be, sounded like music to his ears. He was still afraid of what his death would mean to Hyunggu, but he may get a chance to live beside the other.

And he did spend his time with Hyunggu. Nearly every day that followed. His weeks were spent with Hyunggu. Those weeks turned into months with Hyunggu and then even a year with Hyunggu.

Yuto seemed to be doing fine at his checkups. They went from every two weeks to once a month. He seemed stronger too. He could even manage to work out every so often. His classes were going fine. He was still doing online classes, but he only had a semester left.

The two of them were happy. Yuto even moved into Hyunggu’s apartment and helped pay for some things. They spent as much time together as they could and to everyone’s surprise, even Hyunggu’s, Yuto proposed. Neither of them wanted something big, just close friends and family.

The day of the wedding came a lot quicker than Yuto expected and the days leading up were hectic. It was just going to be a quick ceremony in Seoul. They were only able to find one person who was willing to marry them. It still wasn’t seen as acceptable in Korea, but they were in love and the priest saw that. Not to mention with Yuto’s situation, pity was easy to come by. 

Along with the stress, Yuto started to feel odd. He got tired a lot easier and his appetite started to decrease. He made sure Hyunggu didn’t catch onto it.

As he was changing into his tux (something his mother requested), he put a hand out to catch on the back of a chair. He felt winded just from buttoning up his shirt.

“Hey, you okay?”

Wooseok, a friend of both Hyunggu and Yuto made over the last year, came over to him. There was concern on his face. Yuto nodded his head, waving the other off since he could really form words. He slowly fell down into the chair and started coughing into his hand. 

It hurt. His throat was burning. It sounded painful to his ears too.

As he pulled his hand away, catching sight of the blood, the fear he had started to well up. 

He looked up at Wooseok. The other seemed just as scared. He looked ready to bolt. Yuto cleared his throat, reaching for some tissues, “Don’t… don’t tell him…”

Wooseok’s voice was low, “You can’t… you can’t lie to him, Yuto… Not about this. I thought you were….”

“Better?” Yuto wiped his lips and chuckled weakly, “Yeah…, I did too. I’ve felt weak for a few days.”

The taller male made his way over, resting his hand on his shoulder, “What do you want to do?”

“I want to marry Hyunggu.”

“Then let’s get you married.”

Yuto moved to get up, but he stopped. He reached out to Wooseok, “Wait. I need you to do something for me.”

Wooseok offered the other a confused glance but agreed anyway.

An hour later, Yuto and Hyunggu were married and Yuto pretended he felt fine. The entire party of twenty people, including eight of their closest friends and both sides of their families, it was only about thirty people crammed into Yuto’s family restaurant. 

Hyunggu was all smiles and laughs as he mingled with their friends. Yuto stood behind him, his arms wrapped around Hyunggu’s waist. Hyunggu’s hands rested over his as he spoke loudly and with love about how happy he was. 

This was what Yuto wanted. The other was happy. Even if he slowly felt himself getting worse, he still smiled and kissed Hyunggu’s neck.

They separated for a few moments. Hyunggu went dancing with one of their friends and Yuto stood off to the side, watching him with a smile and a glass of champagne in his hand.

Then the pain in his side hit. His free hand dropped to the chair. His heart was beating so fast. His breathing was getting harder. 

Hyunggu turned to him and smiled, but it only lasted a moment when he realized something was wrong, “Yuto?”

Time seemed to slow down as he looked at Hyunggu with regret in his eyes. His glass fell from his hand, crashing to the floor. Hyunggu abandoned his partner, running to catch Yuto.

Yuto was sure Hyunggu was calling his name, but he couldn’t make out any sounds. His hand reached for Hyunggu’s cheek. He felt Hyunggu’s tears and the guilt could eat him alive at that moment. He hated to be the reason the other was crying.

His vision got blurry as his own tears built up from a mix of sadness and pain. He tried to apologize and he may have actually said sorry because for a moment he heard Hyunggu tell him to not be sorry. 

Then everything went black.

He could have been out for hours, maybe days, but when he was finally conscious, Hyunggu was up on the bed next to him, his hand clinging desperately to Yuto’s. He gave the other soft kisses all over his face before finally placing one on his lips.

“Welcome back.”

Yuto smiled softly into the kiss, “Glad to be back.”

His illness progressed. The drugs weren’t having any effect anymore. It was spreading at an alarming rate.

“How long? Back to 50?”

The doctor gave him a sad look, “You’d be lucky to make it 25.”

Yuto was 24. 

Hyunggu choked up next to him and Yuto pulled him over to him so Hyunggu’s face was buried in his chest. It was hard to breathe, but he didn’t care. He needed Hyunggu close.

It really didn’t hit him at that moment. He didn’t believe it. In all honesty, he knew it was bound to turn on him sooner or later. Cancer had a way of dashing all your hopes and dreams.

No matter if he didn’t have years, months or days, whatever he had, he’d spend his hours with Hyunggu.

He wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital. His leukemia was too far advanced and he needed help to breathe now. He wasn’t even allowed out of bed often, but Hyunggu was very convincing with the nurses. 

Hyunggu dropped out of school for the rest of the semester and took a hiatus from his dance company despite Yuto’s protests. He did leave to shower and eat. He even went to school. That was al he’d offer since he was only really gone for six hours at most.

He’d be right back beside Yuto, talking animatedly about his day. He’d have his smile on his face and it wasn’t faked. Hyunggu could never fake a smile. He was trying his best for Yuto. 

Yuto hated that he did this to Hyunggu. This… this is what he feared most. Hyunggu stopping his life for Yuto’s whose life wasn’t going to last much longer. 

He brought Hyunggu’s hand to his lips, kissing each of the knuckles. The other smiled at him lovingly even if Yuto knew he looked like a completely different person.

He lost a lot of weight and the color of his skin was a ghastly color. He was weaker now. He couldn’t walk much without being winded. He had a wheelchair when he got a chance to leave his room.

“Yuto,” Hyunggu called, brushing his fingers against his cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” came a soft reply. 

Hyunggu offered him a kiss on the lips before he decided he was hungry. He promised to bring Yuto something back. With one more kiss, Hyunggu was gone. 

Yuto was scared because it wasn’t long until his breathing got ragged. The machines started to make noise. Nurses and his doctor came running in. All he wanted was Hyunggu. 

He heard people calling his name, but the voices mixed together into just sounds. He couldn’t make one out. There was a mask put on his face. He wanted it off. He tried to take it off, but soft hands pressed to his face. He knew those hands. 

Hyunggu’s face came into view. Worry, fear, sadness, and love. Yuto was going to miss him.

“Yuto… babe. It’s okay,” Hyunggu’s voice was soft. He could make out Hyunggu’s voice. He dreamed of his voice. “I’m here.”

Yuto stopped struggling and just focused on Hyunggu. He tried to focus on breathing as he looked at the other. He felt relaxed as he looked at the other.

“Every second of every hour of every day have meant everything to me,” Hyunggu spoke again, doing his best to hold back his tears, “There won’t be a moment I don’t think of you. I’ll be okay, Yuto. I promise.”

Yuto felt himself smile. His fingers brushed against Hyunggu’s arm for a moment. He had a soft smile on his lips. Slowly his eyes closed and his hand fell.

Everything seemed to burst after that. The machine signaled his heart stopped. Hyunggu called his name over and over again. Doctors tried to restart his heart, but nothing happened. Yuto was gone.

Hyunggu sat in the hallway while Yuto’s parents and brothers said goodbye. Wooseok came soon and sat next to Hyunggu. He handed over his phone, “You wanna see this.”

Taking the phone, Hyunggu went to an empty part of the hospital and started playing the video. 

He realized as he saw Yuto’s face, this was from their wedding day.

“Hyunggu. This was my fear. Leaving you behind. Wondering how you are and if you’re okay. You have me a reason to look forward to a future,” he smiled sweetly at the other. He paused for a moment, trying to think of his words, “It’s funny, how we never said I love you like normal people? I mean, we did, but just saying it was never enough. It was always I’d love you for days, weeks, months and years.”

Hyunggu held back a choked laugh, his finger brushing against the side of the screen, “You thought it was cute.”

“I did think it was cute,” Yuto mimicked as of he heard Hyunggu. “Thank you, Hyunggu. You gave me a reason to be happy when I was ready for it all to be over. You are my everything. I need you to know I love you. Every day, every week, every month and every year.”

Hyunggu sobbed as he looked at the screen, “I know… I know…”

Yuto smiled, but it looked like a painful one. He must have been in more pain than Hyunggu eve realized. “Go back to school. Graduate. Become whatever you want. Dance. Sing. Love if you can find someone not as good as me, but you know, good enough.”

“Idiot,” Hyunggu laughed as Yuto laughed in the video.

Yuto sighed, “You may be mad that I didn’t say anything about how I felt… how I knew… we are getting married and… I didn’t want you to force me to the hospital before we got married. I know it’s selfish, but hey, I think I’m allowed a little leeway in the selfish department.”

Hyunggu wasn’t mad. He understood. He wished he knew, but maybe it was better that he didn’t. He smiled softly as Yuto continued.

“I told Wooseok to give you this when… when I’m gone and I hate that I need to do this at all. It’s not fair, but I just needed you to know I was thinking of the future - your future. I may not be there with you, but for every second, of every hour of every day, week, month and year, I will love you. See you soon, Hyunggu.”

The video ended with Yuto’s smile. Hyunggu hugged the phone to his chest and cried. Wooseok appeared and pulled him close, knowing that Hyunggu needed strength at that moment. 

Yuto was never going to be truly gone.


End file.
